Together you are less alone

I borrowed the title of Anna Gavalda's French novel to share my November thoughts with you. 'Together you are less alone' - I think it fits perfectly.

If there is one thing I have practiced during my pregnancy, it is this: letting others help me. I really have room for improvement in this area. I am a person who likes to do a lot of things myself. There are many reasons for this.

Today's strong woman can do anything. Alone.

On the one hand, as a 'strong woman of today' you learn to get by on your own in the world (I could talk about this for hours) and then often wonder why people no longer automatically hold the door open for you or take your bags. The 'strong woman of today' knows how to find her way and can do anything. Alone. We shine at work, have a private life on the side, are sporty and our apartments look like they're from an Ikea catalog. Of course, you have to look at something right away, everything is posted on Instagram. Incidentally, there you see many other 'strong women of today' who master their lives, where you sometimes wonder whether their day has more hours than your own, or whether they don't actually have little helpers who help them get everything done in a 'social media-friendly' way.

And I can tell you, most people do. Parents who accompany you on long-distance trips to look after the children in the evenings. Partners, family or employees who help you to be self-employed. Domestic helpers who look after apartments and, when the stress gets too much, there are appointments with a beautician to make the traces of the exertion disappear. Of course, you set certain standards for yourself when you see that being done. When 'everyone else can do it too'.

We must become situationally flexible

On the other hand, I just like things the way 'I do them'. Yes, I admit that whether the shirts are folded twice or three times makes no noticeable difference in the end. And yes, I admit that whether my morning breakfast porridge is a little thicker or a little more runny, my stomach probably doesn't care either. But I do. Call it tics, peculiarities, ego or whatever. One thing is certain: we all have them in one way or another and getting rid of them is not that easy. But if I want help, I have to. And that's a good thing. I am convinced that we all grow by breaking out of our habits, by getting involved in new things - by becoming 'situationally flexible'.

Because I was aware of what an exceptional situation the postnatal period, i.e. the time after giving birth, is due to my postnatal yoga teacher training, I began to hand over my shopping bags little by little during my pregnancy, to have breakfast made for me from time to time and to simply leave the dried clothes hanging on the rack. Simply give up control and let chaos ensue. What actually sounds very pleasant and relieving was actually a challenge for me.

So, just as I was on my way to becoming a postpartum relaxation professional, a tiny little thing got in the way: A GLOBAL PANDEMIC.
Oh yes, there was something in 2020.

Instead of doing abdominal exercises, we had to put on masks

As a person who can enjoy peace and quiet and is happy with roof gardening and yoga for a while, the beginning of isolation at the beginning of March this year was not quite as dramatic for me as it was for some of my friends. I posted daily morning affirmations and motivational quotes, yoga and some photos and progress of my pregnancy on my Instagram channel (@jasminspanitz). Until I realized at some point that this was the only thing my friends and family knew about our growing miracle. Instead of proudly 'taking my belly out' every day, I had to wear a mask and stay at home. OK, so I had to do everything alone again.

Where is my village in lockdown?

By the time our daughter was due at the end of July, the restrictions had been relaxed again, but the uneasy feeling was still deep. We found it difficult to open the doors to friends and relatives without hesitation, we avoided all non-essential contact, and the care from midwives, doctors, etc. was not quite the same on an emotional level with a mask on. So, with a few exceptions, we were left to do everything ourselves. We were in the incredibly intense postpartum period, so we were not only busy with some initial challenges and being new parents, but also with washing, cooking, cleaning, etc.

So there she was again, the 'strong woman of today', after all she had practiced so much in accepting help. It was clear that she also had her 'strong man' by her side. However, anyone who already has a child knows that it literally takes a whole village to look after a baby. Grandmas, grandpas, friends and other relatives.

Suddenly something screamed “UNFAIR!” in my head

It is now November and we are in the second lockdown.
I'll tell you honestly, when this was said, it was the first time my mood changed regarding this whole 'Corona' thing.

Being a new mom, a global pandemic AND November weather – the perfect cocktail for bad weather thoughts.
I felt robbed. Hardly anyone had experienced my pregnancy 'in real life', our last holiday as a couple had fallen through, a few of my friends and some of our family had not yet been able to see our little daughter and, apart from countless walks, we had spent the first four months of her life in the same four walls. It screamed 'unfair!' in my head.

We are all in the same boat

And then this came: a voice message. A voice message from a friend who had seen my thoughts on this on social media and thanked me for saying it. Because, after all, we are all in the same boat! That made me remember again. Of the many video calls from the first lockdown. Of the virtual birthday parties. Of the packages that friends had left on our doorsteps while we were in bed. Of my new 'mommy' friend, who I have only seen 'in real life' twice, but with whom I already feel deeply connected despite, or perhaps because of, all the circumstances.

In the midst of the chaos they are there: our friends

Because in the midst of all the chaos, the sleepless nights and the helpless moments, they are there: our friends. Even if we can't see each other the way we would like, we can still feel each other somehow. We are connected. I have almost more daily contact with some of my friends than I probably did before.
Meetings are being moved online, many course leaders, including myself, have offered mini-courses, some of which are free. People don't just call their relatives, they now video call to see each other! I have never seen so many motivating dance videos and positive messages as in the last few weeks and months. Somehow it seems as if the whole world is a little more connected in a tragically beautiful way.

Melancholy and joy captured in a screenshot

Even if many things are not as we would like them to be, if hugs are missing, if a smile is often only visible in friendly eyes under the mask, if baby classes and other activities have been cancelled and our little daughter has to postpone making friends for a little while. Despite all this and much more, I want to consciously focus on the good. For the sake of myself and our daughter.

I decide to use the current regulations and the weather for cozy hours at home, then enjoy the fresh, cold air on one of our countless walks, marvel at colorful leaves and concentrate on the rustling of the leaves, which our little mouse is particularly fascinated by. To save the video calls with her grandfather from Switzerland with sadness and yet joy through a screenshot and in our thoughts for eternity and to see her laughter when she sees new faces as all the more special. It touches me that what we all somehow knew, what philosophers often talk about and what quantum physics has long since proven, is now very clear: we are all connected. In a completely magical way.

I want to keep my newly acquired ability to accept help. And the realization that we all need each other and, when the going gets tough, we are ALL there for each other.

I'm excited to see what the last month of the year will bring. I'm looking forward to it and will report back.

Stay healthy!